Ch. 220
Bright knew exactly how much I would lose my mind over this, yet the reasons he dragged my parents all the way here were painfully simple:
First, because he wasn’t sure he’d find me at all.
Second, because even if he did find me, he needed a shield to hide behind before I killed him.
The moment we were kicked out of the restaurant, Bright bolted. He was fast for a Mage.
“Don’t you stop there!”
“Wait for me, Geenie! I’ll bring your parents tomorrow! Let’s meet at your inn for lunch!”
“Hey! You lunatic! How do you even know which inn I’m staying at?!”
“…I think I told him when he asked earlier…”
“When on earth?!”
Ash held me tightly so I couldn’t catch Bright and murder him on the spot. His thoughts were full of anxiety that someone would die if he let me go.
“I’ll miss you! Geenie! See you tomorrow!”
“I knew I had to kill that guy…!”
So that was why things had been peaceful lately.
Of course something would eventually happen, but this was beyond expectation.
I think I was more comfortable when I was kidnapped by the Dragon—is that just my imagination?
Has the terror of that time been polished by nostalgia, so now I’m hallucinating that it was easier?
[Um… Master? When you’re stressed, I get stressed. I feel like I’m going to die right now. Should I throw up some diamonds?]
I lay face-down on the inn bed for hours trying to recover. Time slipped away until I finally glanced out the window and realized the sky was dark.
“…No! It’s already night!”
[Why does it matter?]
“When night passes, morning comes, and then tomorrow comes!”
I wanted to use magic to stop time.
Of course, that kind of magic was forbidden—and I didn’t know how to use something that grand anyway.
Everything was a problem.
And the biggest problem was that I wasn’t ready.
“Should I… run away…?”
I’d overcome countless trials that made me curse at the heavens, but I had no idea how to overcome this kind of crisis.
This was a problem violence couldn’t solve.
I’d rather fight a monster horde. I’d rather have a meteor crash onto the city.
[Master! How can you run away? That’s not like you!]
“What is ‘like me’?!”
[Master, you crush every crisis head-on! There’s nothing Geenie Crowell can’t destroy!]
“…Yeah, there’s nothing that can stop me… except I can’t destroy those people!”
My violence evaporated the moment it concerned the people I could barely call my parents. Even though that had been part of my identity.
So naturally, my confusion and anxiety peaked.
Just thinking about them made my shoulders stiffen and my breath choke. It felt like an allergic reaction. A trauma. A chronic curse. An incurable weakness.
I writhed on the bed, made noises like a lunatic, and even banged my head against the wall.
“Bright, you bastard… just you wait. I’ll cremate you and scatter you to the wind…”
[Ah, Water Spirit Mage, burning someone at the stake isn’t elegant at all.]
“Sinking him would be too merciful. I’ll start with a weak flame… then a strong one.”
[But didn’t you need Bright for that Crown Prince test thing?]
“I don’t need traitors!”
[Master, you’re so unique. Humans usually adore their parents. Killing someone for bringing your parents seems strange to me.]
They were technically the parents who gave birth to me, but I couldn’t accept them. Not physically, not mentally. I’d avoided them for 19 years.
I felt cornered. Trapped.
It was so uncomfortable and suffocating that I feared even looking at them. Words couldn’t fully capture how unbearable it was.
‘When was the last time I saw them?’
Almost nine years ago, when they came after hearing I was bedridden from the duel with Rovenin.
They arrived late—by the time I had nearly recovered—and they looked heartbroken that I never told them I was hurt.
They used to squeeze their meager income just to travel and visit me with my brothers when I stayed at the academy during breaks.
And back then, I was emotionally unstable. I told them not to come anymore.
– “I mean it. You don’t have to come. I’m not a child anymore, and I’m not lonely even if I’m alone.”
A Spirit Mage is rarely lonely. I spoke the truth—but I couldn’t look them in the eye.
Even then, I couldn’t ignore how hurt they were as they returned home.
They never came again after that.
Judging by the increase in letters they sent, they still wanted to see me. But since I never replied, they had no reason to think I wanted them to.
Why?
Why did those people make me so unsettled?
I frowned and took shallow breaths, feeling like I was doing something terribly wrong.
It felt serious—like betraying someone precious.
Rai was right. I also had parents I couldn’t help but love—because they were mine. But they weren’t in this world.
I knew I was treating my parents here wrongly. But no matter how I tried, I already had parents who raised me for 17 years. Even if I lived longer in this world, I couldn’t erase them.
Would things be different if I’d spent more time with my parents here?
Maybe.
I knew it was cruel, but I let myself ignore them because they had three more children besides me, and because of my past-life memories, I had abilities others saw as genius.
Even if I acted strangely, they chalked it up to “she’s unusual.” Even if I preferred solitude, even if I seemed indifferent—they simply accepted it.
The parents here were good people. Good enough to make my guilt flare.
If they were terrible people, I wouldn’t feel this way.
No one knew.
The fear I felt—that I might grow to love them—is what terrified me most.
[Master.]
“…Ash?”
[Yes.]
When Rai sensed someone coming without hearing footsteps, it was usually Ash.
Soon, I heard him deliberately making noise as he walked through the hall.
A few steps before the room. He stopped there. I couldn’t wait for his awkward hesitation, so I got up and flung open the door.
Bang.
“What?”
“…Geenie, you didn’t lock the door again.”
“Yeah, yeah. You want to scold me about safety again? I have something to rely on. Anyone who breaks in gets bitten to death by Rai.”
“I guess so. It’s good to have a reliable friend.”
[Friend! Rai is a reliable friend!]
No, Ash!
Rai becomes insufferable when praised! Praise must be limited!
I immediately kicked Rai away when he flapped his ears proudly.
“Why are you just standing outside the door? That’s more suspicious.”
“You told me to make noise before… I was thinking of how to approach without startling you.”
“You could knock.”
“I was afraid to bother you.”
“Hm? You know noise doesn’t wake me up.”
“You seemed troubled. I didn’t know if I could approach you at a time like that… Geenie, do you feel better now?”
Ash’s cautiousness contrasted so perfectly with mine.
I’m sensitive and impatient, so I always notice whether someone is being considerate. And Ash always was. He always steadied me.
“A little.”
“I’m glad.”
“Coming in? We’re not going to talk in the hallway forever.”
“….”
Why was he backing up? Was someone going to eat him? Now that I looked closely…
“Oh, this smell… did you shower? I smell soap.”
His hair was slightly damp. I leaned in and sniffed near his collarbone.
The scent of clean water. A warm, freshly washed body.
“That’s unfair! You showered without me? Where? Is there a good lake? Take me next time!”
I grumbled under my breath, and Ash retreated even further, flustered.
His neck turned red—though I wasn’t sure if it always turned red that far and I’d never seen it, or if he was especially embarrassed now.
I’d never stripped him and checked before.
“That’s… we all showered together. There’s a well in the inn’s backyard. There were a lot of men… it wouldn’t be to your taste.”
“You know my taste?”
I like men with good bodies.
I prefer deltoids over trapezius muscles.
“You like clean lakes more than ponds. You’re happier when the water is big and clear… and you like fish or anything alive.”
“Ah, that’s true.”
“You seem better after washing… ahem, that’s not what I came here to talk about.”
“Right. What did you come for? Don’t you have something to say? Are you coming in or not?”
How long was he planning to stand outside? I tilted my head inside the room to urge him in, but Ash approached with obvious tension—and still didn’t enter.
“Geenie, would you… like to have a drink with me?”
It wasn’t a difficult request, but he was so nervous that I reached out and looked into his eyes.
To read his thoughts, I needed to touch his bare skin. I lifted my hand as if brushing back the damp hair covering his eyes.
As my fingertips softly brushed his forehead, I read him.
—She probably doesn’t know. That this is the nineteenth date request. I think she’ll reject me again… Will it hurt less once I reach twenty?
Mind-reading really was useful at times like this.
Nineteen? I only remembered two or three rejections. When did the others happen?
—It’s nice being touched, but it feels like a gesture for a child again.
I pulled my hand back before it seemed suspicious. Touching someone’s bare skin naturally was difficult.
“Want to drink?”
“Really?”
“Yeah. I don’t think I’ll sleep anyway.”
I wasn’t fond of alcohol, but if Ash was happy—I was happy.
And it was undeniable.
When I was with Ash, I felt calm.
And somehow, I felt happy too.
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