Ch. 244
Ash’s expression turned serious, mirroring mine.
“That would be difficult.”
“I know, right! I don’t even want to imagine it.”
“But if the Fedri family sends someone, Young Master Rashamu is the most likely to come. The Duke can’t come himself, and anyone else would be useless. More than anything, Young Master Rashamu is the only brother Young Master Rovenin listens to…”
“Are you ignoring the other brothers? Why?”
“One way or another, Young Master Rashamu follows Young Master Rovenin the most. They’re also the closest in age. The rest are very young. It’s more accurate to say that everyone except Young Master Rashamu is afraid of him.”
Among the stories my parents had recently told me was that my most likely groom candidate was Rovenin Fedri’s younger brother, Rashamu Fedri.
My parents seemed eager to push Rashamu if they could, but that wouldn’t work on me.
Ash had been there when they told me that story, so he knew exactly what the problem was.
“Rashamu… if he comes to take his brother and runs into me… ugh, I’m already getting goosebumps.”
There were already enough people: Bright, Rovenin, and Lox, who would be back soon.
If Rashamu joined in and started bothering me too, I felt like abandoning Ash and running away, loyalty or not.
Believe it or not, I wanted to live quietly.
“I have no choice. I’ll think of another way.”
“That would be best. It’s annoying if I get a proposal. I want to rest, but it feels like problems keep popping up. It doesn’t feel like it’s just my imagination.”
[Of course not. Master is the Spirit of Calamity!]
[Shut up.]
I pondered for a long time, but nothing was resolved. In the end, we couldn’t shake off Rovenin by the time we arrived at the inn, and all I wanted was to rest.
Leaning against the wide-open inn door, I turned to look for Rovenin.
It was faster to rely on sight than presence to find him as he watched us from afar.
He followed us while keeping a certain distance, which felt a bit like being observed, and also like feeding a piece of bread to a lost monster, only for it to follow you home to eat you.
I looked back and forth between Ash and Rovenin, then shook my head.
“I don’t know anymore. He’s your friend, so you deal with him.”
“I’m sorry for making you worry.”
[…That’s strange? Why is Ash apologizing? If you want to be precise, the reason is that Master swallowed that guy’s sword.]
[If you want to be precise, you swallowed it.]
[I only did what I was told! And a Spirit’s sin is the Master’s sin!]
I was about to snap, but he was right, and I didn’t have the energy to fight with Rai right now.
I had summoned a Spirit to heal Ash, so the fatigue was hitting me hard.
Healing Magic was one of the most exhausting techniques. Normally, I wouldn’t be this worn out from using that much power, but I was still close to being a patient myself.
If I had summoned Endairon to fight Rovenin, I might have already vomited all the blood in my body onto the floor.
It was grueling, but I thought I’d done well to endure it. Of course, I was also angry that Rovenin kept threatening my life, which made me even more mentally drained.
It was obvious that I needed absolute physical and mental stability right now.
“Wait a minute. Geenie, I know this is a sudden question, but…”
I was about to go up to my room and rest when Ash gently caught the end of my sleeve with a very serious expression. He tugged so lightly I almost didn’t notice.
“I’m not sure if I should ask this… I’m being careful, but…”
“Three sizes?”
“…Geenie.”
“From top to bottom? From bottom to top?”
[Are you an old man?]
Rai always looked at me with disdain whenever I said something like an old man.
In his wolf form, his expression was so vivid that it made me feel even worse.
“I’m kidding. You were being too serious. What is it?”
I turned back to Ash, telling him with my gaze to speak comfortably.
I faced him, leaving about half a step between us, and Ash, who had called me over, was endlessly awkward.
“That is, are you…”
“Wondering when I’ll kiss you next?”
“…Are you interested in marriage?”
“What, that’s all it was?”
“That’s all? I worried about this for a long time before asking. I thought you weren’t interested at all, but sometimes when you talk… it seems like you’re considering it… so I was worried.”
How was I supposed to take this?
A man saying he’s worried about whether I’ll get married or not. If he says it with that shy face, the intention is obvious…
[Does he like me that much?]
[I guess so. He’s unique.]
[Hey.]
[I was going to say that I like unique things too! Will you listen to me until the end when a Spirit speaks?]
Rai seemed to realize only after speaking that he’d be alone with me again. I really can’t kill this thing.
“I’m not interested. If I were, I would have done it already. If I had decided to, I would have finished it when I was fourteen like everyone else.”
“I thought so.”
“What about you?”
“…I’ll have to, someday.”
It was quite unusual for a royal, not just any noble, and a likely heir to the throne, to not even have a fiancée at his age.
If I decided not to get married, people around me would nag, but I could endure it.
I had three older brothers to carry on the family name, and my parents actively respected my opinions.
The fact that I didn’t come from a particularly prestigious family also meant I was relatively free from arranged marriages.
In that sense, Ash was in a completely different position from me.
For a royal, marriage wasn’t about whether or not to do it; it was about how much power to gain. That changed everything. It was natural that our sense of the weight of marriage was different.
“You’re more of a question mark than I am. You’re a royal, remember? You’re actually old enough to have kids…”
He wasn’t saying anything particularly lewd, but he was the kind of man who blushed and bit his lip, so I couldn’t imagine him rolling around in bed with someone. Still, I was sure he’d be a good husband if he did.
I’d been thinking that a lot lately.
Wouldn’t Ash have been happier if he’d been born into a more ordinary family?
“I am quite late. I’m the only one among my brothers who isn’t even engaged.”
“Exactly. Seems like you shouldn’t be wondering about my marriage right now.”
I took another step closer, driving Ash into a secluded corner behind the door.
Once it felt like it was just the two of us, his gaze deepened, especially when he looked at me.
“…I don’t think I’m ready to take responsibility for someone yet.”
“You?”
“Because I’m in a precarious position. I don’t have a good grip on anything.”
“That’s why arranged marriages are for gaining stability.”
Of course, I wasn’t suited for that. Even if I were, I wouldn’t want it—and Ash knew that better than I did.
“I know it sounds foolish, but I don’t want to make someone else’s life as difficult as my mother’s. I don’t think they could be happy in a place like that.”
“So you’re going to stay single forever?”
“That place” meant the Imperial Palace harem.
A strange place where people constantly died, yet it never seemed to empty.
“I can’t be single if I want to be Emperor.”
“That’s right.”
“Ash, you have to choose someone.”
For some reason, it felt like I was tormenting Ash.
Even though he was faintly smiling in the shadows, even though I was holding his fingertips and moving closer, that’s how it felt.
“You know you need someone to protect you.”
If I held his hand, I could hear his heart. And Ash’s great quality was that his inner thoughts and the words he spoke often matched perfectly.
It hurt to know he was such a truthful person.
Because that made me more vulnerable to him.
“…I know. I know I need someone to be by my side. I also know that it can’t be someone I love, no. It absolutely shouldn’t be. If I’m going to make them unhappy, I hope it’s not that person.”
“Ash.”
“I’m just afraid. The fact that I… will make someone else unhappy with those feelings.”
I wasn’t a kind person, so I didn’t know how to speak gently in moments like this.
I knew exactly what fears Ash was feeling, what guilt he was already suffering from, and yet he was in agony over the fact that he had to choose.
What could I say?
I don’t love you as much as you think I do, but I still want you to marry, even if that marriage makes someone unhappy, and become Emperor with a bride who’s just for show?
I support you, but I can’t get any more serious with you than this? I feel a deep satisfaction that you want me so much, but you can’t tie me down?
I like that you love someone that much?
It was selfish, but that was the truth.
I liked Ash very much, but I didn’t love him enough to endure hardships together.
I was confident I wouldn’t be hurt even if Ash married another woman.
“You’re not going to make anyone unhappy. I believe in you. I believe in you.”
That was the best comfort I could offer.
I just covered everything up and said one thing that was sincere.
If I told the whole truth, Ash would be the one hurt. It was a blunt sort of comfort, not kind at all, but Ash seemed to find some peace of mind.
“Thank you. If I could, I’d like to stay like this…”
“That’ll be hard.”
I felt his turbulent emotions settle through the ring and smiled faintly.
“Geenie, please know this. I think about you much more than you think… very much, and I want you to be happy. I won’t let anyone make you unhappy.”
—Even if it’s myself.
“I know. That’s why I like you.”
“…Sometimes I feel like you know everything about me.”
Because I really do.
At some point, just smiling at each other wasn’t enough anymore, and Ash pulled my hand, lowered his head, and pressed his lips to my fingertips.
(T/N: Its really hard to be in Ash’s position. For some reason, I cant also see Geenie as an Empress. She’s like a person you really cant tie down in one place)