Ch. 249

What flowed through our clasped hands was a deep, hollow sense of powerlessness.

Disappointment in himself for being weaker than Rovenin, guilt over committing such a terrible act against someone who had trusted him.

Frustration and self-reproach—hovering around me, unable to stop caring, even though he was weaker than I was.

Ash believed that Rovenin and I being together was dangerous in many ways. He knew he shouldn’t be jealous, yet he was—and he despised himself for that ugliness.

Unlike usual, Ash’s mind was filled with negative thoughts. It wasn’t a pleasant emotional state to feel, but somehow, buried within it, I sensed genuine love. And unexpectedly, my heart fluttered.

Thump.

Thump.

[Ugh, pervert…….]

How could I not be moved?

A man who could live beyond the law had committed a crime—for me.

The scale was a little disappointing since it was just a sleeping pill, but I knew he had tried his best in his own way.

“I kept thinking about what I could do for you. But compared to you, I’m just a weak human… I’m sorry, Geenie. I’m too weak and only ever receive help from you.”

“Well, isn’t that a bad comparison to begin with?”

Rovenin was a rare genius, at least in his field.

And as much as it pained me to say it, I was a talent born once in a thousand years. The fact that he’d been pushed back by me meant he should be considered a genius born once in several thousand.

“I want to become stronger. Strong enough to be useful to you.”

I couldn’t ignore the earnest gaze directed at me.

A man without pretense—that was my type.

Yes. The reason I’d always hated the men who pursued me was because their baseless confidence repulsed me.

I’d always ruled my surroundings, drunk on my own excellence. I couldn’t forgive anyone who dared to try and take me.

In that sense, Ash’s eyes were filled with sincerity.

Ash didn’t want to possess me. He only wanted me to want him—to need him.

He waited for me like a loyal dog, hovered near me, and looked at no one but me.

Maybe that was why. When I looked at Ash, my protective instincts flared—and at the same time, a teasing itch crawled up my throat.

I leaned in and whispered.

“Ash, you’re weak on your own. But if we join forces—”

“I won’t.”

“You said you’d do anything for me.”

“I never said that.”

I hadn’t even mentioned killing Rovenin together, yet his refusal was so firm it was almost frightening.

Ignoring it, I seized his momentary lapse, grabbed his collar, and kissed him outright.

Ash was completely caught off guard. His hands froze mid-motion, shaped like he meant to push me away.

It amused me—he could avoid it if he wanted, yet he let himself be pulled along. I laughed again as I slipped his necklace off mid-kiss, revealing his true face.

Rising onto my toes, I pressed my lips to that beautiful face.

At some point, Ash’s arms wrapped around my waist. The large embrace felt good, and the warmth of another person grew more intoxicating the more it pressed in.

I cupped his cheeks with both hands, laughed softly into his throat, and whispered.

“It would’ve been nice if that plan had worked. Isn’t that the worst thing you’ve ever done?”

“…Almost.”

“Have you done anything worse?”

He avoided answering, but as long as he was touching me like this, Ash had no secrets.

I could feel nearly everything.

And feeling how desperately he was struggling right now was its own pleasure.

I want more than this. I shouldn’t… It’s wrong. But when I touch those soft lips, I can’t help imagining it… No. I have to stop. It’s rude. No… no…

That wasn’t a bad deed—just a bad imagination.

From the perspective of secretly peeking into someone’s mind, that much was just entertaining.

The fact that Ash wanted to kiss me somewhere other than my lips was nothing more than interesting.

Ash would cry if he knew I was watching his thoughts like this.

Oh? You even imagine kissing me there?

“Hm.”

When I pressed my chest against him and looked up with knowingly lewd eyes, Ash grew more and more flustered. Eventually, he panted as if he couldn’t take it anymore and asked,

“Geenie…! What do you… like about me?”

He seemed to know from the atmosphere that I liked him—but he doubted the reason.

“Your face.”

[That’s too immediate!]

[What’s wrong with that?]

[You’re supposed to pretend to think first.]

As Rai said, Ash looked genuinely shocked.

“My… face?”

“…Of course, I also like your gentle personality and kind heart. Your attentiveness and affection too. Your skilled fingertips, your calm demeanor. And I can’t leave out how beautifully you smile, or your long eyelashes.”

I added it belatedly, but even then, everything circled back to his face.

Judging by Ash’s wounded expression, this clearly wasn’t the answer he wanted.

“I don’t know what kind of answer you expected… but don’t look so disappointed. Everything you’re born with is talent, right? Look at me—I was born a natural Spirit Mage. You’re a genius when it comes to looks.”

“…I’m not happy. It’s not something I earned.”

“But I like your face.”

“So… are you saying you wouldn’t have liked me if I didn’t have this face?”

“I guess it would’ve taken a little longer?”

That wasn’t my intention, but Ash seemed to take a massive mental blow.

It was ironic. I possessed the Tears of Truth, yet there were moments when I didn’t know what to say.

I knew the answer Ash wanted wasn’t “your face.” But the only person who held that answer was me—and it wasn’t something Ash could ever find on his own.

I was hopelessly bad at this.

Thanks to my instincts and greed, I was confident in wanting things. But when it came to emotions like this, I desperately needed guidance.

What was I supposed to say to make a man happy right now?

I was perfectly content just kissing. This was hard.

“…Ash. I won’t say anything else.”

His wounded eyes looked down at me, almost pleading for me to try and fix it.

“Among human men, I like you the most. I like you so much I can’t compare you to anyone else.”

If I included women, there were Mia and Iruze. If I included non-humans, Undine and Rai. So I excluded what needed excluding and spoke with as much sincerity as I could manage.

There. Look at the sincerity sparkling in my eyes. Isn’t it obvious?

[That alone shouldn’t be enough… He’s happy.]

“…Geenie.”

“I may be saying it late, but it’s true. I like you, Ash. I feel myself becoming gentler when I’m with you. If you weren’t here, I’d probably be committing unnecessary murders by now.”

[To be moved by that… He’s hopeless too. As expected, no one around Master is normal.]

As long as Ash was happy, I didn’t care what Rai said.

I wasn’t lying—and through our joined hands, I could feel exactly how Ash felt.

A deeply sparkling happiness.

“I’m touched. I thought you found me annoying.”

“You are a little annoying. But I still like you.”

“Then… are we dating?”

“That’s not it.”

I really was talented at hurting people.

If there were a class on dating, I’d be the worst student.

The good atmosphere didn’t last even a few seconds. Through the ring, I felt Ash plunge into even greater shock and fear.

It pricked my conscience too much to keep watching, so I casually let go of his hand.

“Did you… play with me…?”

“…Do you really have to take it that way? We don’t have to date just because we like each other.”

“Then what do we do?”

“Kiss. More than that, too. Let’s do everything people in relationships do—except dating.”

( T/N : What’s this? Your own version of situationship? Geenie, you are a flirt. Tsk tsk lol )

I liked Ash. But I didn’t want labels like lovers or romance. They were cheesy, troublesome, and inefficient.

We weren’t going to get married anyway. Why bother dating?

I wanted something easier.

Kiss when we wanted. Touch. Enjoy each other while we were together. That should be enough.

Ash clearly didn’t think the same. To the point where it looked painful.

“…Suddenly, I have a headache.”

“That’s because you stayed up all night. You should sleep. Want to rest in my room? I’ll lend you my bed.”

“Bed…!”

“I was heading out anyway.”

“Where to?”

“A beauty salon?”

I made up an excuse.

It didn’t fool him.

“It’s written all over your face that you’re lying.”

“It’s probably only visible to you.”

“I have a bad feeling you’re going somewhere dangerous.”

“Ominous premonitions are always right. And I’ll tell you now—I’m going alone, so don’t even think about following me.”

Just by looking at me, Ash knew exactly what I was planning. And I knew exactly what those worried eyes meant.

He’d try to follow me, exhausted as he was.

But I couldn’t bring Ash with me. I was heading to the Information Guild.

“Why do you like being alone so much?”

“Because I like myself the most.”

“……”

“Other people tell me what to do, but I don’t listen. I don’t tell myself what to do either. I just go along with whatever I feel like doing.”

“I see. I understand now how powerful my rival is.”

Before I could ask what he meant, Ash stepped closer, took my elbow, and kissed near my forehead—my eyelids.

I blinked involuntarily.

It was rare for Ash to initiate a kiss.

His short hair brushing my cheek and his large hands felt incredibly gentle.

“There’s a saying. Love is cherishing someone more than yourself.”

“Is that so…?”

At that moment, Ash looked almost painfully beautiful—his desperate eyes fixed on me, so intense I felt like giving him anything.

“Then I’ll have to surpass Geenie Crowell. If I truly want your love, I need to become more meaningful than the strongest, freest, and most stubborn person I know.”

As I listened to his low, resolute voice, I slowly realized—

I had given him an enormous burden.