Ch. 284
‘Will I be able to see them?’
Even as I asked myself the same unreliable question several times, I followed the instructions.
After tracing the mirror’s frame with the blood Chad had sponsored, I recited the incantation.
It was written that the language didn’t matter as long as the meaning was the same, so I tried it in the common tongue.
“O mirror, be my eyes. O mirror… grant my wish. O mirror, follow your master’s will and find the one I long for.”
True to its name, a dark red veil formed within the mirror, and when the surface trembled, it rippled and shifted in color.
This proved it was no ordinary object.
Even now, as I recited the incantation, the blood-smeared edge glowed red, and the veil rippled violently. The entire mirror vibrated as if exerting its power, frighteningly sucking in Mana.
But that was all. It reflected nothing.
At some point, the vibrations ceased, and it even stopped absorbing Mana.
The blood had evaporated slightly, so there was clear evidence it had tried… but inside the mirror, there was nothing.
“…”
I fell silent for a moment, then slowly dabbed blood onto the mirror once more.
Calmly reciting the incantation again, this time I thought of my brothers.
Those three idiots… no, my dear older brothers, who were still wandering after running away from home to find me.
Just in case, I recited it in the Ancient Language this time.
‘Mirror, show me my brothers.’
I yearned for it, yet I also hoped not to see them.
I hoped the mirror would reflect nothing again, leaving me empty all over.
Then I could dismiss the mirror as a fake. Or broken.
“…What the.”
When the veil lifted and my brothers appeared in the mirror, the first thing I felt was disappointment.
Instead of marveling at the mirror’s power, resentment rose up, and I bit my lip without realizing it.
“They’re getting shaken down.”
To feel this gloomy while seeing that my missing brothers were doing well.
My brothers, having their belongings taken by thugs, had grown since I last saw them.
Their faces were still naive, but they looked the part of travelers, as if they’d suffered plenty on the road.
They had the faces of full-fledged adults now. If I passed them on the street, I might not have recognized them. Though my brothers would have recognized me in an instant.
“They say hardship in one’s youth is a good investment… They’ll go home when they run out of money.”
I didn’t watch them for long.
By cutting off my Mana, I returned the mirror to its veiled state.
And once more, I thought of my parents from my past life and recited the incantation.
‘Please, just once. Even for a moment is fine.’
It was rare for me to wish for something so desperately.
But the mirror betrayed my expectations again, and I quietly held my breath.
What could be the problem? There’s enough blood, and I still have Mana left.
Is my longing not enough?
That can’t be. My handful of longing for my brothers can’t be greater than this.
Maybe… because I thought of them as ‘parents’?
Could it be failing because I’m trying to see people in different places at once?
My brothers might have appeared only because they happened to be together.
Right, let’s try again. This time, I’ll think of my mom.
I dug up the longing I’d set aside because there was nothing I could do about it. I desperately clung to it and repeated it with all my heart.
Over and over, I stubbornly recited the incantation, and by the time it grew hazy how many times I’d done it… I threw the mirror.
I buried my face in the pillow and held my breath. A surge of anger made the corners of my eyes burn hot.
I knew it wouldn’t work, but I’d hoped I’d be wrong again.
I just wanted to see their faces. I can’t remember them at all now, so I wanted to see them, even for a moment.
I hadn’t been away from them for so long that I’d forgotten their voices.
Am I going to forget everything like this? Is that how it’s supposed to be?
I’d brainwashed myself over and over, telling myself it was just a small hope, that I wouldn’t be disappointed even if the mirror couldn’t grant my wish.
But now that it had come to this, I couldn’t bear the welling depression.
I felt so frustrated and wronged that something kept surging up inside me.
I didn’t want to accept it.
This is a world where Magic exists… they said great Magic could even reach other worlds! Why won’t you show me?
‘If I can’t see them even with an ancient artifact, it means I can never see them.’
Curling up on the bed, I finally let out the breath I’d been holding for so long.
After exhausting myself with emotions, trying not to think about anything was the best I could do. I felt the blanket slide to the floor but ignored it.
It’s fine. It was nothing.
I’d just confirmed again that I can never see them. A familiar feeling, isn’t it?
[Master! Why! Why are you sad!]
Scratch, scratch, scratch.
Rai had been scratching at the door for a while now.
[I want to be by your side! Let me in! Master!]
Rai could have broken down a wooden door easily, but he couldn’t use his strength without my permission, and right now, I wanted to be alone.
[I’ll be quiet! Huh? Can’t I come in?]
“…”
[I get it! I won’t ask what’s wrong! I’ll respect your privacy!]
Unable to read my thoughts, he whined in frustration, calling for me desperately. He pleaded to come in, anxious… but it didn’t reach me.
Right now, I wanted nothing. Even this uncomfortable feeling, and the sound of Rai scratching at the door, felt distant.
Everything was a bother.
As my senses dulled, sounds grew faint, and that felt more comfortable.
How long had I been lying on my side, blankly staring at my hair scattered across the bed?
I faintly heard a knock, then the door began to open.
Creeak.
When opened too carefully, a door makes an even more unpleasant sound.
“Geenie? Rai is crying outside the door… is…”
When I sat up and turned, Ash was standing in the doorway with a puzzled expression.
Seeing me sitting blankly in the dark, he fell silent, startled. He stood there for a moment, then stepped into the room.
Rai slipped in behind him as if this were his chance, but I couldn’t bring myself to care.
I lay back down and buried my face in the pillow.
“Geenie…”
“What.”
“Did something… happen?”
“Nothing.”
The problem was that nothing happened.
Even though Ash was talking to me, I turned to face the wall, and though I said nothing, Ash seemed to realize something was wrong.
He understood my mood too easily, as if it were only natural.
What a strange man.
“Why is the mirror over there like that…”
The mirror I’d thrown at the wall with all my strength should have shattered, but instead, the inn’s wall was cracked.
As befitting an object with Protective Magic cast on it, it didn’t break easily.
I’d paid a huge sum for it, but now it was rolling carelessly across the floor.
“You hate troublesome things, yet you went all the way there and bought it with such difficulty. You waited all night… it was something you wanted so badly.”
Ash spoke in a worried voice as he picked up the mirror and set it on the table.
“I don’t need it anymore, so you can have it.”
“…Did the person you wanted to see not appear?”
“I don’t want to talk about it.”
If you couldn’t see someone with the mirror, it usually meant they were dead, and Ash wasn’t someone who wouldn’t know that. He knew more about artifacts than I did.
Despite my irritable tone, Ash came closer and sat on the edge of the bed, choosing his words for a long moment.
He reached out as if to stroke my hair, then stopped just short of touching me and held his breath.
“Cheer… up.”
“Leave me alone. I’m fine.”
A lie. A lie that wouldn’t fool anyone but clueless Chad.
“Geenie, who are you missing so much… who is it, that makes you wear such an expression?”
“…What kind of expression am I making.”
“The face of someone who doesn’t want to cry.”
I thought I was expressionless… I touched my face, then sat up.
Leaning back against the wall, I stared at him, and Ash, pleased by my gaze alone, smiled softly.
“Is my face that strange?”
“It’s not strange.”
Listening to Ash’s quiet breathing, a belated regret washed over me.
I shouldn’t have bought something like a mirror.
All I did was waste time, sour my mood, and take it out on things.
Maybe I knew it would turn out like this.
A part of me knew I was doing something pointless, but I ignored it.
Because I couldn’t let go of the lingering thought of ‘what if.’
“Geenie? I don’t know who you’re looking for, but I’ll look for them. I’ll search the entire continent as far as my power reaches.”
“You can’t find them.”
Even with the power of the imperial family, you can’t find someone from another world.
“I’ll try. For you. The person you miss… even a trace of them… so please, cheer up.”
“Forget it. What if it’s a man I like?”
“I don’t care even if it is.”
It was a joke I always made, but Ash’s expression grew more serious than ever.
He looked as if there was nothing he wouldn’t do for me, and I knew better than anyone that he meant it.
“As long as you don’t make that face, my own feelings don’t matter at all.”
“…”
“If you just tell me who it is, their name…”
“…Ash? I appreciate the thought, but stop. It’s making me depressed. I’m really fine.”
Once I said ‘depressed’ out loud, it felt more real.
“Geenie…”
“You don’t have to try to do something for me. It’s… useless anyway…”
That familiar feeling returned.
Even breathing felt like a bother, and I didn’t want to think about anything—only sink into melancholy.
I felt like a fool stubbornly clinging to something I should have let go of… and I started to hate myself.
I don’t want to be like this. I don’t want to be a foolish person.
If it’s impossible anyway, I should forget it as soon as possible. But I didn’t want to forget.
I always thought this—that I like this world.
There were so many things here I’d never seen before. It was full of strange and beautiful things, so there was no time to be bored.
I’d been trying to enjoy them and live happily here.
But if I were given the chance to choose between that place and this one…
“Geenie, my face, do you want to see my face?”
“What?”
What kind of nonsense was this all of a sudden? I squinted my blurry eyes and looked straight at Ash.
“Well… you said that when you see my face… you feel… better…”
Ash said it, looking painfully embarrassed as if he found it cringeworthy himself, and I could tell it was something he’d come up with in his own effort to comfort me.