Ch. 310
“Oh my… our restaurant is a place even nobles frequent. To suddenly conduct an inspection like this is troublesome. It’s practically treating our customers like thieves….”
“That’s enough. If you keep interfering, you’ll be the one in real trouble.”
It seemed the tallest knight with brown hair was the captain.
“Are you planning to defy the King’s orders just to protect your business?”
There were indeed quite a few lavishly dressed people in the restaurant who looked like nobles.
But apparently, no one here had enough influence to defy the King’s orders, because they only showed subtle displeasure and didn’t openly protest.
The owner kept fretting, worried he might offend the high and mighty, but it was actually the commoners who were louder.
Complaints burst out here and there from people whose meals had been interrupted.
“Seriously! You think the thief is here? They’d have fled the city by now!”
No one who came to eat at a restaurant three times more expensive than anywhere else would have expected to get inspected out of nowhere.
In the middle of that noisy atmosphere, the knights started their inspection without delay.
Beginning with the tables near the entrance, they collected identification plaques one by one and carefully checked for anyone suspicious.
‘Geez, what a crude method.’
Technically, this whole thing was happening because of me, but the situation itself still felt absurdly pathetic.
There was no way they’d catch the culprit by searching restaurants one by one in such a clumsy way.
Any normal culprit wouldn’t be sitting here leisurely finishing the bread before the meal like I was.
More than anyone, the knights themselves must have known this was a fool’s errand.
And yet, the way they stiffly refused to do it halfheartedly stood out.
For some reason, I have a soft spot for knights…? Is it because I’m from Dmitri, the land of knights?
Well, I do prefer sturdy knights over Mages.
Mages are too scheming. They don’t have that simple, loyal, dog-like quality knights do.
‘That captain’s build is exactly my type…? Just look at those shoulders… and those thick thighs. And the veins on the back of his hand.’
That neat, austere figure and the heavy scent of a mature man—something I could never find in the knight wannabes rolling around the academy—whetted my appetite.
My eyes met the brown-haired knight heading our way several times.
Resting my chin on my hand, I gave him a little smile, my own signal of goodwill, a way of saying let’s get along.
“I think I’m going to throw up….”
Unlike me, humming and acting relaxed, the companions seated at the same table all looked visibly awkward.
Chad, especially, looked like he might faint at any second.
And the sight of Akia sitting next to him, wiping his sweat, was, geez, so unpleasant to look at.
“Tsk, tsk, so weak.”
“…This is your fault! You could’ve at least warned us!”
“Yeah! Who could stay calm in a situation like this?!”
“This is insane. I’ve lived a decent life, so why am I going through something like this…?”
Two patients drenched in guilty sweat, whining with guilty consciences, and one idiot who had started shaking his leg.
Other than our sharp little doctor, none of them were calm.
I glanced over and gauged the distance between the knight and our table.
Since we were seated at the very back of the restaurant, it would still take a while before our turn came, but I needed to straighten these cowards out before then.
“Hey, guys? Smile. Don’t ruin the fucking mood.”
There, like me. Smile.
“You think that’s easy!”
“Is it hard?”
“Do you think everyone is as shameless as you!?”
“I’d call it being bold.”
“Do you even understand how serious this crime is? It was only one day! No, half a day! How could you pull something like this off in that amount of time? What were you even thinking? If we get caught… are you planning to get us all killed!?”
Though Chad’s face and words were full of anger, his voice was tiny.
He was a confirmed accomplice, but it seemed he still didn’t want me, his companion, to get caught.
If that was the case, I wished he’d do a better job pretending to be calm.
“Calm down, everyone. Nothing’s going to happen.”
“Hoo, hah! Hoo!”
“Heok… heok….”
“As long as you all stop acting so suspicious.”
Should I just knock them out? One headbutt from Rai would probably be enough.
It’d be fine even if I accidentally sent them to the afterlife.
[Master, you sound very serious.]
“I’m going crazy…! They said a water spirit mage! A high-ranking water spirit mage! Who else could that be besides you!”
“Probably no one, right? I’m just that good.”
“What gives you the right to be so relaxed!?”
Seeing Chad’s face flushed red from holding back a scream, I could tell.
These guys couldn’t commit a crime even with a knife at their throats.
Geez. Being virtuous is fine, but how are they supposed to do anything great if they lose their composure over something like this?
Sometimes in life, you end up wanted for infiltrating the Royal Palace.
[I don’t think so?]
“I have good reason to be confident. Here, look at this.”
With everyone’s full attention on me, I pulled a small silver-colored piece of metal from my pocket.
It was the identification plaque I had used to pass into the city, and its distinctive feature was the word ‘Mage’ engraved on it.
I had borrowed it from the communication magic mage urgently dispatched to me from the Dmitri Royal Palace, intending to use it for travel. As the identification plaque of a Royal Palace Mage, it naturally had extremely high credibility.
With this, it would be hard for them to suspect me.
“Ta-da, I’m a Mage.”
“…Why are you so proud of using someone else’s ID?”
“The owner said it was fine. In fact, he handed it over willingly.”
“You were holding a knife, weren’t you?”
There was an unnecessary amount of faith in his eyes.
“No, if I asked, the people of Dmitri would probably hand me not just their identification plaques, but their underwear too.”
Because I’m Geenie Crowell! I’m famous enough that I have to use someone else’s ID to hide it, but that fame is also useful when it comes to getting away with things after making trouble.
“Haaah… fine, let’s say that part is okay. But isn’t it too early to relax? Are you sure the knights don’t know your face?”
“Right! The fact that they’re conducting an inspection means they know something.”
As Enk quickly agreed with Chad, Gale and Akia also nodded vigorously beside him.
To the four anxious faces of people who clearly couldn’t live after committing a crime, I replied confidently.
“I told you, it’s fine. Don’t you know my specialty is the perfect crime?”
“I don’t. And that isn’t reassuring at all.”
“Then this isn’t the first time…?”
“Anyway! They don’t know anything. This is just a show, a show! They don’t know my face, let alone my eye color….”
“You! Why are you questioning me in such detail! Are you saying I look like a thief!”
The quarrel somewhere nearby suddenly grew louder, a sign that the tightening circle was getting closer.
When I turned toward the noise, I saw a nobleman throwing a fit at a knight.
He had shoulder-length blond hair, looked middle-aged, and was quite thin.
The knight immediately apologized, but the man kept raging.
“I apologize. It can’t be helped, as the culprit has blond hair….”
“Blond hair? Huh? Blond hair! Am I the only blond person here? There’s one over there and another in front of me! How dare you…! Do you think I’ll forget this insolence! What unit are you from!”
After watching them for a moment, I turned back to my companions and found them all frozen stiff.
I smiled brightly to reassure them.
“Ah, so they do know the hair color.”
Look, everyone. It’s the Saintess’s smile.
See? Reassuring, right? So stop staring at my hair.
“…Ash… please come quickly….”
“Even if Ash were here….”
“I get the feeling we’d be seeing Ash from behind bars.”
Just like Ash’s friends, they were making a huge fuss over a tiny, just a teensy-weensy, massive crime.
The three of them were already gloomy as if they’d been caught, but I stayed optimistic.
First of all, a crisis on this level couldn’t stir anything in my heart.
Just watching that knight deal with the middle-aged man made it obvious.
The only thing the knights knew was that the culprit had long blond hair. It was clear they didn’t even know whether the culprit was male or female.
A quick glance around the restaurant showed that more than half the tables had at least one blond person at them.
And our turn was already close.
“Hey, guys? I know you’re about as far from criminals as it gets. That’s admirable! But if you keep acting like children….”
“Who are you calling a child! Who’s the one who caused this ridiculous mess in the first place!”
“People will die.”
“…Wh-why is the conversation going there?”
“I don’t want to get caught, and I don’t want my identity exposed. But what if… you act suspiciously, and I get arrested against my will? What do you think will happen then?”
In the first place, the words ‘arrest’ and ‘me’ didn’t go together. It was the sort of thing that could never possibly happen.
Anyone who had watched me for any length of time would know how impossible that was.
“Answer me. What will happen?”
“…I don’t want to know.”
“Me neither, Noona.”
“You’d better pull yourselves together for the sake of saving lives. There’s no way I’d quietly let myself get taken.”
If you all didn’t get a firm grip on yourselves, someone unlucky was going to die like an innocent bystander caught in the crossfire.
Just narrowing my eyes and letting the meaning show in my gaze was enough.
Finally realizing what mattered most, the three of them desperately started pretending to be calm.
They wiped away their profuse sweat, fidgeted themselves upright, and then lifted the corners of their mouths as far as they could, like people sitting through a job interview.
It was better than them whining about getting caught, but I was still dissatisfied.
[They’re terrible at acting. Should we just knock them out?]
[I’d love to.]
[I’ve already broken out of prison once, so I really don’t want to go back!]
[That’s a weird reason not to want to go. Huh? But did we break out of prison…?]
[We destroyed Grak’s slave market before, along with the underground prison! Master, you’ve wrecked so many things you can’t even remember anymore, can you?]
It was a bit much to say it myself, but everywhere I went, something always seemed to end up broken.
A slave market, a Dungeon, a Royal Palace… what a coincidence, right? It was almost like a god of destruction had passed through.
“Excuse me for a moment.”
“Cough!”
Our turn was unavoidable, and when the brown-haired knight stopped in front of our table, Chad violently choked on his water.
That was because he was sitting on the aisle side, so the armored man was standing right next to him.
A large shadow fell over the table, and my companions, who had to look up at the sword-bearing knight, seemed to shrink.
“W-Welcome…?”
“Oh my, you’re working so hard… hehe….”
“May I see everyone’s identification.”
Was it because I had blond hair?
The knight’s gaze had been fixed on me from the start.
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