Chapter 110
Once she returned to her room, Nerys called for Ellen. While waiting, she thought about what she’d heard.
“I didn’t know then that I’d never see my mother again. I just thought she’d gone somewhere far away and I’d need some special way to contact her. So I buried the toys she’d given me in front of the greenhouse. Since my mother was buried in the ground, I thought if I buried the toys, they’d reach her too.”
When Nerys had asked about the toys, Cledwyn had answered, steady and composed to the end.
Knock, knock.
There was a knock at the door. At Nerys’s word to enter, Ellen stepped in.
“Sorry for calling you when you’re busy.”
“There’s nothing more important than your summons, miss.”
“Ellen.”
As soon as Ellen sat down, Nerys asked carefully,
“Can I ask why the late Grand Duchess’s room is locked?”
The greenhouse wasn’t locked, nor the parlor.
So why was the bedroom the only place sealed?
Ellen looked as if she’d known Nerys would ask this sooner or later. She whispered back,
“To protect something.”
“Protect what? The things inside?”
“The late Grand Duke’s last thread of self-restraint.”
Nerys had never seen Cledwyn’s father, even in a portrait. But from what she’d heard from the castle staff, she had a faint idea what kind of man he’d been.
Swayed by the elders, died under suspicious circumstances while still young…
That lined up with the way Cledwyn talked about his father today—never calling him ‘Father,’ only ‘the previous duke,’ while he always said ‘Mother.’
“Can I ask what that means?”
A deep sorrow came over Ellen’s face.
“It’s not something I should speak of, miss. Even after all these years. Losing those two was a grief too great for the north to bear.”
‘The north.’ Nerys narrowed her eyes, studying Ellen.
Almost everyone from the previous duke’s generation was now dead. With the West Palace empty for so long, the current staff were either new or had only ever served Cledwyn.
Very few would know what Cledwyn had gone through as a child.
“I’m not prying for idle curiosity. It’s just… I ran into His Grace in the greenhouse earlier. That’s why I’m asking.”
Had she overstepped?
Nerys regretted bringing it up. It wasn’t that she didn’t want to know.
But everyone had a place in their heart they didn’t want others to intrude upon. The same was true for families, and even houses. Things like that…
‘Who am I, anyway.’
Ellen, seeing her face, covered her mouth.
“I’m sorry, miss. It’s not that you shouldn’t know… it’s just really not my place to say. Seeing you look like this, I can only imagine how upset His Grace must be.”
“No way.”
As if he’d be upset. That was ridiculous. Nerys shook her head, and Ellen’s gaze grew warm.
“The late Grand Duchess was a good person. Warm and strong. His Grace takes after her in so many ways.”
Warm and strong—that was the truest description of Cledwyn Nerys had ever heard.
“Ellen, did you know her well?”
“I was chosen specially by the Marquess of Tipian to come here with her when she moved north.”
‘Chosen specially.’ On the surface, it sounded nice, but Nerys thought if Ellen had been the Grand Duchess’s attendant since girlhood, she wouldn’t use that phrase without reason.
Ellen was careful with words. It was unlikely she used that expression by chance. What was she trying to convey?
Why had the Marquess of Tipian sent a stranger to his daughter, and ignored his grandson?
Was it an arranged marriage he opposed?
“I heard the Grand Duke and Duchess were married for political reasons.”
“Yes, that’s right, miss. At first, it was an arrangement, but the Grand Duke came to love her. As did everyone in the north.”
Ellen’s face softened with longing.
“The previous Grand Duke cherished her so, so much… After she passed, it was like he became someone else, cold and cruel, people said. He was still young, so some even suggested he remarry, but every one of those people ended up dead…”
Nerys drew a breath, finally understanding the meaning of the chains on the Grand Duchess’s bedroom door.
They weren’t to keep something inside. They were the desperate protection of a man, guarding a room with no owner from the world outside.
It would be pointless to call it futile.
Nerys couldn’t understand it. She knew just how ugly love between men and women could be.
One person always loved the other more, and the other took advantage of it. Betrayal and scheming, all under the name of passion.
Seeing her face, Ellen laughed softly. There was kindness, but also a curious hint of wisdom in her smile.
“Compared to the way he was lost in her, the previous Grand Duke barely paid attention to his son. In truth, when the Grand Duchess passed, it was as if the Grand Duke’s spirit died too… that’s what it seemed like.”
“But—”
Nerys blurted out, barely realizing it herself.
“But there was a child. How could he…”
How could he be so irresponsible.
Cledwyn had said not to touch the West Palace garden because it was just his habit. But if his mother’s death hadn’t meant much to him, if it really was just some long-forgotten childhood event…
‘He wouldn’t have said it like that.’
A bitter taste filled her mouth. Ellen looked at her gently.
“There are people who love like that. As if there’s nothing else precious in the world, defying all reason and sense, investing all meaning in just one person. Maybe that’s the nature of northern people. When winter lasts so long and there’s nothing but snow, a single feeling can quietly, irreversibly… grow deeper than death. After living in the north for more than twenty years, miss, I think I’ve come to understand a little of that myself.”
Not long after young Cledwyn entered the Academy, the previous Grand Duke died.
“If His Grace knew how much you cared, he’d be glad. I’m sure he’ll tell you everything himself one day—whatever you’re curious about.”
Ellen stood up with a smile.
“Now, it’s time for bed, miss. May you sleep well tonight, free of northern ghosts, and dream only good dreams.”
❖ ❖ ❖
Three days passed as if nothing had happened.
It was the night market day. From the afternoon, Cledwyn sent word asking, “Shall we go out together this evening?” Nerys quickly finished her work and went to the West Palace to change.
Since she’d be heading out to the lower town, it would probably be more like an inspection, so she planned to wear something unobtrusive, with a veil.
But what awaited her in her room was a mountain of dresses.
“Welcome back, miss. Please try this on first.”
“We’ve prepared the jewelry here as well.”
Somehow, Dora and Ellen were already there, holding out dresses and accessories with excited faces. Nerys was dumbfounded.
“What are you doing? Ellen, why are you here?”
“You’re going to the night market with His Grace tonight, aren’t you, miss? So you have to wear something nice for going out.”
Ellen smiled brightly, as if it were only natural.
Dora held up a dress full of lace frills, while Ellen showed off a huge petticoat covered in embroidered flowers. By any standard, none of this was suitable for an inspection.
“Come now, miss, we don’t have much time. Hurry.”
At Ellen’s firm words, Nerys moved almost on instinct.
“Black looks wonderful on you, but it isn’t the best color for a festival.”
“Yellow suits you too. You look like a spring flower, miss. But it’s a bit too light, isn’t it?”
“I thought this skirt would be perfect, but it’s too wide to wear tonight. Dora, bring something narrower.”
As Ellen kept recommending new dresses, she reminded Nerys of Diane.
Drawing on years of practice, Nerys chose the fastest escape method: closing her mouth and changing as quickly as they told her.
At last, when Ellen and Dora were satisfied, Nerys was wearing a simple dress in walnut and chestnut shades and the pearl earrings Cledwyn had once given her.
Unlike during the day, when she wore her hair up for work, now her blond hair was let down and softly curled like a village girl’s, with diamonds and pearls tucked among the waves for a touch of elegance.
“You look wonderful, miss!”
“So beautiful!”
Dora and Ellen were triumphant.
Knock, knock. Just then, her mother peeked in.
Seeing her lovely daughter, her mother broke into a radiant smile.
“Oh my, Riz! My daughter is so pretty.”
“Isn’t she, madam?” Ellen agreed warmly. Nerys glanced down at her sleeves and asked,
“But where did these clothes come from? I don’t remember ordering them.”
She had gotten clothes made after coming to Maindulante—she’d needed something to survive the winter and a good number of proper work outfits.
But she’d never ordered dresses like these. And yet, every dress fit her perfectly.
Her mother came over with a smile and lovingly fixed Nerys’s collar.
“They’re my gift.”
“How would you have money for this, Mom?”
“Why wouldn’t I? My daughter sent me money every month. I saved it all instead of spending it.”
“But I sent it for you to use. It wasn’t even that much…”
“No matter the amount, how could a mother just spend money her child sends? I saved it all to make you nice clothes when you came. I took your measurements when you ordered clothes before and made them myself. I’m glad they fit.”
No wonder there were so many perfectly fitting dresses all of a sudden. And they all had that distinct Rohez village style.
‘Mom made them herself.’
They weren’t sophisticated like the haute couture of high society, but there was a warmth in every stitch. The dress she wore now wasn’t made from thick fabric, but just wearing it made her feel warm inside.
Her mother hugged her and kissed her forehead.
“Have a good time.”
Just like she used to say when Nerys was a little girl heading out to play with friends. Her nose stung a bit at the memory. Nerys hugged her mother back with a faint smile.
“I’ll be back.”
With Dora and Ellen seeing her off, Nerys went down the West Palace hall. She meant to go to Cledwyn’s office in the main palace to meet him, but unexpectedly, he was already waiting for her.
Cledwyn was dressed like any young man from town, but his looks made him seem like a character stepping out of a painting. Even though his clothes were simple linen rather than showy silk, he still looked more than dashing enough.
Nerys felt like she was dreaming—a dream she’d vaguely pictured as a child reading books.
Growing up well, graduating from school, living in a warm home with her mother. Feeling proud of today’s work and looking forward to tomorrow.
Wearing her favorite jewelry, a dress made by her mother, enjoying the festival—just a simple happiness.
And someone waiting for her, dressed comfortably, as if it were the most natural thing in the world.
‘It doesn’t feel real.’
If she pinched her cheek, would it hurt?
Her heart fluttered again—almost painfully.
Cledwyn met her eyes and smiled brilliantly.
“You look beautiful.”
Nerys’s face turned bright red. She couldn’t even look him in the eye.
‘Like a fool.’
What was the point of being happy about it?
What did it matter if that smile was dazzling?
* * * * * * * *
(T/N: i apologize for the super delayed chapters, baby time was so rough. baby is currently on a sleep regression phase. good news though, i should be back to our regular release rate (or even faster) by the end of this month. we’ve got everything arranged, so we’re all set. )
