Chapter 212
Nerys curled up in the corner of the old Noble Academy dormitory, hugging her knees.
She now understood this wasn’t a normal place. Time kept turning back on itself.
Here, she had lived from age twelve until the summer of her twentieth birthday, was adopted into the Elandria family, married the crown prince, was killed, and then returned to being twelve again.
It had already repeated about ten times.
Her precious people died, her new family continued to abuse her, and in the end Nerys—abandoned even by Nellusion—was killed by Valentin. No matter what she did, nothing changed.
Because nothing changed no matter what, she realized this world was wrong.
Even if she proved Angharad’s false accusation was a lie, even if she told Diane not to trust Nualan, the people here never listened. They simply repeated the same set lines and actions, as if predetermined. Only the bad parts.
She had even tried seeking help from the Cledwyn in this world. But he rarely appeared. He barely existed in her memories, so that must have shaped this place.
Thud, thud! THUD! The children who chased her here pounded on the door. Nerys sighed. At this rate they’d break it. Even if she got bullied and came back, the door would be restored anyway, so it didn’t really matter.
“Nerys Truydd! Open the door!”
“Tru-ydd! Hiding won’t help you!”
Among the voices filled with vulgar delight, Megara’s voice was mixed in. With her sweet voice, Megara whispered:
“Come on, come out, Nerys. What are you doing hiding in there?”
It was ridiculous. In reality Megara had never once come to Nerys’s dormitory. Someone like Megara, who cared so much about her own dignity, would never come to a filthy, shabby place like this.
So all of this was a kind of illusion, clearly magic. The problem was she had no idea how to escape it.
The door began to break. Cold sweat formed—just like back then.
‘I’m fine.’
Nerys whispered to herself.
There was no reason she shouldn’t be. This was all a lie, and her mother was alive. Diane was alive.
She was the grand duchess now, and no one from her school days could treat her like this anymore. Not even Valentin.
She knew all that.
‘It hurts.’
Her chest ached as if pierced. When she relived what had happened to her, her body could endure it—but her heart burned.
Even if she had repaired everything, even if she had changed everything, a wound once inflicted never truly healed.
A scar that already formed remained forever.
Every time she looked back, the past became thorns waiting to tear her apart.
Crack, crash. Half the door broke, and her classmates appeared beyond it, eyes gleaming with cruel excitement. They stared at Nerys without blinking, enjoying themselves.
Megara stepped closer and spoke gently.
“Why aren’t you coming out, Nerys? You’ve wasted all our time. It’s so shameful and depressing to have you in our grade. Shouldn’t you comfort us when we’re so sad?”
Right, right. The children laughed and yelled. Nerys looked at Megara with contempt and said:
“There’s plenty to be ashamed of. Isn’t your personality shameful?”
As expected, Megara ignored her.
“Nerys, what did you expect? That someone would like you?”
Her heart tightened like someone’s fist squeezed it.
Nerys hated herself. These weren’t real. Everything that truly happened was already in the past. She had even avenged every grievance, settling the blood price because she believed it belonged to her.
But it wasn’t satisfying.
Their attitude—seeing her as the same powerless girl she once was—made it hard to breathe again.
Seeing her as a tool, a joke, a toy.
How long would she be trapped here?
It was only a memory.
A low humming noise came from somewhere.
…Nerys, get up.
Get up?
Even if she did, nothing would change. The pain wouldn’t lessen. Nerys stared at the floor with empty eyes.
She missed Diane. She missed Ren. She missed Cledwyn. If they were by her side, nothing would have been frightening.
‘But.’
They weren’t here.
Several rough hands seized her arms. Without giving her a chance to rise, they dragged her small body out of the dormitory.
Down old stairs, across a thorny floor. Her fragile skin was battered and scratched within moments, but Nerys didn’t care. Everything would reset afterward.
As they walked toward the hated lakeside, the children sang together.
Truydd, Truydd, pretentious little Truydd
The brilliant knight’s daughter Truydd
Too noble to play with us
So we must escort her ourselves.
Yes, there had been a song like this. She had forgotten it among the countless things she endured in her previous life.
The childish lyrics and melody still managed to hurt her back then—just like the rest of their petty cruelty.
People who say “just ignore it” know nothing. Especially when you’re physically powerless, when so many voices declare you worthless, there were few who could resist believing it.
Outwardly you could rebel. You could say, “You’re wrong. I’m no different from you. I have strengths too.”
You could pretend not to care, even laugh, even mock them.
But deep inside, your heart slowly died.
Human judgment was that fragile.
Nerys glared with disdain at the boy dragging her.
“You’re all cowards. You have no pride.”
The boy laughed loudly.
“At least your mouth works. You can’t even shake me off, so shut up. You stink.”
“The smell must be from you. A rotten mind that lives only for a single compliment from classmates—how could it not stink? Drag me, insult me—what do you gain? You just want to look tough in front of them.”
The boy’s face stiffened. These cheap illusions reacted well to her defiance. Perhaps because the real years of suppression had imprinted themselves deep in her unconscious.
Stars burst in her vision as the boy struck her. He smirked as if he couldn’t possibly be the one who hit her.
“You crazy girl. Yeah, you’re smart. We all know. But you know what? You’re still our toy. You talk big and think that makes you something? Don’t pretend you understand anything.”
Her body trembled. You never grew numb to violence. Some wounds carved so deep that even a faint resemblance could bring back every memory of pain instantly.
The children reached the lakeside. The air smelled of stagnant water. A refined tea setting was laid out.
White table, white chairs, elegant teaware. The only things that didn’t belong were the black coffin by the water and Nerys, covered in dirt and dust.
Clatter. Thrown into the coffin, Nerys stiffened at the sound of rippling water against its sides. A headache hit—this nightmare again.
Even knowing it was an illusion, what could she do?
Everything would repeat. In the end she would forget who she was. The people who treasured her, the miraculous bonds—everything would vanish like fireflies.
“You’re dead.”
Sweetly dressed Megara happily declared. The coffin was shoved into the lake.
‘I’m dead.’
If only that were true.
Her heart pounded. Nerys licked her dry lips and closed her eyes. She was too exhausted to resist. Early on, she had tried breaking the coffin, splashing the children—but it never changed anything.
…Sleepyhead.
A humming voice reached her.
Maybe she was hearing things now. Nerys curled up and kept her eyes closed. But after a moment she felt something wrong and snapped her eyes open.
The coffin, which should be shaking dangerously and slowly sinking, wasn’t moving at all. There was no sound of water.
She slowly lifted herself.
It was clear. The coffin was in the middle of the lake, but it wasn’t rocking. And the lake—was frozen still. Not with ice, but frozen in time. Not a single ripple.
What was the illusion trying to do? Was someone outside trying to pull her out?
On the lakeshore, the children stood frozen, as if time had stopped.
Her heart almost burst. It felt like being trapped in her most hated moment. But the voice earlier made her chest tremble.
Then the color of the children began to fade, parts of them erasing. She gasped softly.
The humming grew clearer, softer. Then it echoed as if the entire world were speaking.
…My wife. My beloved Nerys. I miss you terribly because you won’t look at me. If you don’t speak to me, I’ll die of loneliness.
It was Cledwyn’s voice. Not the vague boy in her memories—her real Cledwyn.
Tears instantly filled Nerys’s eyes.
‘Why it hurt so much.’
Only then did she understand.
Why just hearing someone’s voice could make all of this feel like nothing.
The voice of someone who loved her—just that—made everything else meaningless.
“What I want?”
She finally knew.
Hurting you isn’t what I want. None of that makes me happy. It doesn’t bring me joy.
I just want—even a little is fine—anyone is fine.
Even someone like me, with no strengths, someone unpleasant—if they have even the slightest bit of space in their heart…
Please love me.
Please like me.
Tell me I have value, even if it’s just a speck of dust.
Tell me it’s okay for me to live.
Bright light wrapped around her. The coffin disappeared. The lakeside vanished. The children vanished. Everything turned white.
Even the last thing lingering—Megara’s purple eyes—was erased cleanly.
Nerys sobbed until she couldn’t breathe. She collapsed onto the white floor and cried like a wild animal, like a newborn desperate for air.
Not knowing if he could hear her, she asked:
“C-can I… can I look at you? Really?”
Tears.
“Am I… not disgusting?”
Covered her face.
“M-maybe I… really am… someone who only ever makes others uncomfortable…”
And fell.
“O-other people’s feelings… are so—hic—so hard for me! So maybe…hic… someone might hate me… but still!”
Something.
“T-tell me… that someone… someone in this world… could love someone… like me…”
Melted.
“R-really… do you really like me? Someone like me… hic… how can someone as good as you… like someone like me? Is it okay… hic… to think… I have value…?”
Something deep inside her chest.
Maybe it wasn’t all melted yet.
But at last she could accept that what she’d wanted for so long had always been beside her.
She could finally believe fresh skin could grow over old wounds.
Cledwyn’s voice, closer than ever—as if whispering beside her ear—laughed softly.
Of course.
Someone stood beside Nerys. She lifted her head.
Diane was looking down at her. Not the Diane who left in the illusion, but the adult Diane who told her she was loved.
On the other side, Ren appeared. Not the Ren who died from Fezalcho in the illusion, but the adult Ren who told her she deserved to have everything.
Both smiled at her. And Nerys…
slowly opened her eyes.