Chapter 1

               

I lowered my hand and touched my thigh.

A damp, sticky liquid clung to my skin.

I reached further down.

Everything that should have been below my thighs was gone.

Only warm, crimson blood was draining the last of my body heat.

“Haa…”

What happened?

I couldn’t remember.

Who was I? How did this happen?

My vision blurred.

Familiar faces appeared through the haze.

I wanted to call out. To ask for help.

But—

“Aah…”

The arm I tried to extend had no hand.

Only a severed, blunt hunk of flesh pointed toward them.

“What happened…”

I stopped myself.

The vanishing pain… the hand that touched my chest… brought my forgotten memories back in a single, crushing wave.

A gaping hole in the center of my chest.

‘I’m sorry… I’m really sorry.’

A friend—the one who swore to stay with me for life—drove his sword through my back and out my chest.

My hand traced lower.

‘No, it’s thanks to you.’

Another friend, standing beside me, swung into my collapsing side, finishing the job.

‘I won’t say sorry. This is the only way… the only way we can live.’

They severed my legs so I couldn’t stand again.

As the truth returned, a bitter heaviness filled me.

Yeah.

Part of me always knew something like this could happen.

I understood.

The enemies we’d provoked were terrifying. Too terrifying.

But at the same time—

I didn’t understand.

If they’d truly considered me a friend, they could have ended it cleanly.

Why torture me like this?

‘Thank you.’

Those words—spoken as my closest friend cut off my arm—made less sense than anything.

Not sorry. But thank you.

My body grew cold.

My heart burned hot.

A rage I didn’t know I had surged toward the comrades I had once believed in.

“Why… why go this far…”

I knew why I was dying.

I just wondered if they intended to carve this agony into me until I lost my mind.

All of them avoided my gaze, biting their lips.

They must have felt guilty.

“We got a call from Park Cheong-ho.”

Right.

Because he was the one we’d decided to take down.

Of course they’d be scared.

We’d dealt irreparable damage to the biggest guild in Korea.

“We’re joining the Azure Lake Guild.”

“What…?”

“As a condition… Jang Han-bit told them to kill you in the most brutal way possible.”

The first one to stab me gripped his bloodstained sword in reverse.

His hand, coated in my blood, tightened around the blade as he approached.

“Then they’ll forget everything we did… and accept us. Sorry—and thank you.”

The heavy sword descended.

Thud.

It pierced the ground through my heart.

So this was death.

It didn’t hurt as much as I expected.

Compared to the pain of living while knowing the truth, this was ordinary.

Almost peaceful.

‘I won’t wish you well.’

But I wasn’t resentful either.

If they were naïve enough to trust the Azure Lake Guild…

Their ending would come soon.

‘It was an unlucky life.’

If the Grim Reaper had allowed a final wish—

I would have wanted to face my regrets again.

If I could undo them.

If I could change the choices that ruined everything.

I’d trade my soul—not to a god, but to a devil.

Thump.

“Please…”

As death approached, the emotions I’d numbed—anger, resentment, grief—erupted all at once.

I shouted.

I screamed into the void.

If anyone is listening—hear me!

A foolish lamb stands here!

A resentful lamb on the verge of becoming a demon!

You, exalted being I never once believed in!

You, exalted being who never once listened!

Hear me—just this once.

Give me one more chance!

Please! Please!!!

Let me undo this life—this life full of regrets!!

‘Oh God!!!’

Pretend you didn’t know.

Pretend it was all a mistake.

Just once—just once—look back at me…

My cry vanished silently into the depths of darkness.

Reaching no one.

But—

Perhaps.

Someone was listening.

= = =

“Huff… huff!”

Thud!!

I shot upright—and a searing pain ran down my back as I fell.

“Ouch…”

I reached back but couldn’t touch the spot.

Disoriented, I rolled on the floor of a pitch-black space.

“Is this… hell?”

No light.

Just suffocating darkness.

“Ugh…”

And a horrific stench—so foul I expected piles of corpses to be surrounding me.

Holding my nose, I felt around with my surviving arm—

“Huh?”

My legs were intact.

Both arms were there.

No wounds.

No pain.

It was as if the torment from before had never happened.

Maybe hell reattaches your limbs before sending you in.

“Huh…?”

My hand brushed against something hard and cold.

A wall? Furniture?

I followed the surface—

Rustle.

Something cloth-like brushed my fingers.

I grabbed it—

Whoosh!

“Ugh—!”

Blinding light exploded into my vision.

It stung like needles stabbing my eyes.

When my vision finally adjusted—

“A streetlamp…? Hell has streetlamps?”

The faint light wasn’t extraordinary.

But it felt overwhelmingly bright.

“Huh…?”

I tilted my head.

The scenery outside—from this second-story height—looked familiar.

The flickering streetlamps.

The tall utility poles.

The drunk man stumbling home at the same time every night.

The more familiar everything felt, the deeper the wrongness.

‘It’s too similar.’

Like opening a dusty drawer and finding an old student ID—

Memories resurfaced one by one.

Soon, I understood.

This was the scenery from my old life.

‘Then… where am I standing?’

I turned back toward the darkness I thought was hell.

And froze.

A shiver shot down my spine.

Because—

This was my room.

The room from the years I lived as a shut-in.

“Wh… what is this…”

I had heard that people become speechless when shocked.

It was true.

Messy piles of garbage.

Rotting food covered in mold.

The ruins of a life lived in self-imposed darkness.

Every detail matched my memories with terrifying precision.

“I lived… like this…?”

I forced my way through the narrow spaces between the trash.

On a dusty shelf, a photo frame caught my eye.

[Our eldest son’s graduation day.]

My parents were smiling.

I wasn’t.

Thud.

Something fell out.

I picked it up.

[Bang Hyuk-min]

My old ID.

Tick. Tock.

The clock’s hands moved quietly.

11:12 PM.

A meaningless time.

In a corner of a past I wanted erased.

I wondered—

What was this place trying to show me?

“Son?”

I froze.

That voice.

My mother’s voice.

“If you’re okay… can I clean your room?”

Her careful, gentle tone—treating me as precious even when I was wasting my life—

My eyes turned red before I realized.

My chest tightened painfully.

“Are you okay? Son? Say something.”

“…Yeah. I’m okay.”

My voice trembled.

Tears stung my throat and heart.

“Mom’s opening the door~”

The dark door opened slowly.

Her silhouette blocked the bright light so it wouldn’t hurt my eyes.

I didn’t squint.

Instead, my nose tingled—and the tears spilled freely.

What did it matter if this was heaven or hell?

It didn’t matter.

This memory—this moment—was happiness.

The best memory my life had ever had.

“I’m hungry… Mom. Can you make me something to eat…?”

I smiled at her.

For the first time in that life.

= = =

I devoured the food.

Why had I lived that way?

I hated the world.

I shut myself away.

I abandoned everything.

I blamed it on “being young” and left those regrets buried behind me.

But seeing it again—

It hurt.

“Eat slowly.”

My mom’s eyes glistened.

Her flushed face held the brightest smile.

Just seeing me come out of my room made her this happy.

Why couldn’t the old me have done this?

I stared at her, feeling my heart ache.

Why had I trapped myself?

Why had I crushed her smile?

I swallowed the pain and forced myself to speak.

“Give me the trash bags and the vacuum.”

“…Huh? W-What…?”

“I’m going to clean my room.”

She covered her mouth—holding back tears.

I smiled at her.

Even if this was hell…

Even if it was heaven…

Even if it was an illusion…

I would fix the regrets of that time.

“I’m done being shut in. I’m cleaning everything.”

A smile—brighter than anything in that old graduation photo—spread across my face.

= = =

I refused Mom’s help and cleaned the room alone.

My body felt weak—like my old self—but I forced through it.

Still, the filth of years couldn’t be erased in hours.

By the time I finished, dawn had arrived.

I lay on my dusty blanket, exhausted.

Outside, my parents whispered excitedly.

They were happy.

“Heh…”

A small laugh escaped me.

Then—

“Ugh.”

A sharp headache split through my skull.

Flashes of the past—terrible memories—flooded in.

‘Your dad… he’s gone…’

‘Please… please save my mom…’

‘How could you… how could you do this!! Why even you…’

‘What? It… it wasn’t an accident?’

Darkness swallowed the faint warmth.

Azure Lake Guild.

Park Cheong-ho.

Han-bit Capital.

Jang Han-bit.

Grind—

My teeth clenched.

My hand curled weakly into a fist.

Sigh.

“If this is a last supper before hell… then take me already.”

I buried my face in the dusty pillow.

Let these regrets fade like a dream.

I closed my eyes.

But—

“…What?”

It wasn’t a dream.

7:12 AM.

My nose was clogged with dust.

My eyes stung from sunlight.

Each second—

my expression changed.

I slept.

I woke.

And nothing disappeared.

This place remained.

My body remained.

My room remained.

Then—

I tried the only thing that made sense.

“Status Window.”

Whoosh—

Light materialized in the air.

Impossible text floated before me.

Everything I’d felt—everything I’d doubted—snapped into place in my mind.

Understanding came—

But so did the scream that tore from my throat.

“N-No way!!!!”