The Greatest Estate Developer - Chapter 382: Make the Angel Cry (2)

“Hey, do you think if you listened to my singing while I carefully, slowly, and meticulously plucked out your armpit hair one by one, you’d end up crying a lot?”

“……”

Lloyd shamelessly asked this question. Raphael, the Left Angel, was stunned into silence by the absurdity of it. He gave Lloyd a baffled look and then responded.

“Sorry to disappoint, but I don’t have any armpit hair.”

“Oh, um…”

“I’m serious.”

“Not even a single strand of fine hair?”

“There might be some fine hair, but…”

“Ah, well, that’s perfect then.”

“……”

Wait a minute. This human… Did I ever agree to let him pluck anything in the first place? Whether it’s armpit hair or fine hair?

Raphael swallowed nervously, his voice tinged with discomfort.

“Once again, I’m sorry. But I doubt plucking out my fine hair would do any good.”

“Why not?”

“No matter how many you pull, it won’t make me cry.”

“Hmm, are you boasting about your pain tolerance?”

“No, that’s not it.”

Raphael shook his head.

“It’s not that I don’t cry from physical pain. It’s not a matter of endurance; it’s simply how I’m made. All angels are like this.”

“Hmm.”

“I’m telling the truth.”

“Hmm.”

“I swear, it’s the truth.”

“Hmm.”

“I’m not lying. Look, my flame halo is still burning bright, isn’t it?”

“Hmmmmmm.”

Lloyd’s gaze grew more intense, scrutinizing Raphael like he was examining mackerel or cutlassfish at the seafood market, trying to figure out if what he said was true. This persistent interest led Raphael to wonder.

‘Why is this human so insistent on making me cry?’

Raphael was suddenly filled with doubt. Angel tears were known to be incredibly valuable. And the tears of a high-ranking angel like himself? They were beyond priceless.

‘Lloyd Frontera… This man loves money. To a ridiculous degree. Could it be that…?’

Is he planning to sell my tears?

Raphael’s expression hardened as he considered this possibility. He asked, “Do you need my tears for something?”

“Yes. That’s why I’m asking.”

“And why do you need them?”

“To save everyone.”

“…What?”

Save everyone?

Raphael was taken aback by this unexpected answer. Lloyd continued,

“To put it simply, an undead mage, a lich, has made a request to the King of Hell to open a Hellgate in this territory and send a legion of demons. And the King of Hell has accepted that request. The Hell Legion will soon arrive here, and when they do, everyone will die. The territory will be engulfed in flames, and most of the people here won’t survive.”

“Is that true?”

Raphael asked in shock. It was Geo-Rexius who answered, instead of Lloyd.

“It’s true.”

“……”

Raphael was at a loss for words. Geo-Rexius had once been the commander of Hell’s First Legion, so he would know Hell’s movements better than anyone. There was no reason to doubt him.

“So, you’re trying to obtain my tears to fight against the Hell Legion?”

“Yes, exactly.”

Lloyd nodded. Raphael bit his lip in frustration.

“I want to help, but… there’s still a problem.”

“What problem?”

“I can’t cry on command.”

Raphael continued,

“It’s not easy for me to cry. Even if I wanted to, I couldn’t force it. All angels are like this. Our tears are so precious that they can only be shed in moments of true sincerity, to prevent them from being misused.”

“Hmm, that’s why I offered to pluck your armpit hair.”

“Even if you plucked hair from anywhere on my body, if it could make me cry, and those tears could save the innocent and kind people of this land, I would gladly cry. But that won’t work. Angels don’t cry from simple, superficial pain.”

“Is that so?”

“Yes. It has to come from genuine emotion. We must react sincerely to something in order to cry.”

Raphael nodded decisively. Lloyd frowned and rubbed the back of his neck.

“Well, that’s a bit of a headache.”

“I agree. I’d love to cry if it could prevent something terrible, but…”

“Hmm, then we should try a few different things.”

“Different things?”

“A long, long time ago, there were two brothers named Heungbu and Nolbu.” [1]

“Hmm?”

Raphael raised an eyebrow. Lloyd began speaking in a serious, earnest tone.

“The younger brother, Heungbu, was dirt poor. The reason was simple. He didn’t have a proper financial plan. His reckless family planning and excessive generosity prevented him from saving any money.”

“Hmm?”

“On the other hand, the older brother, Nolbu, was rich. He was diligent, planned well, and always made good profits with his aggressive investments. But one day, the poor Heungbu… yada yada… got slapped by his sister-in-law with a rice paddle… blah blah… He fixed a sparrow’s broken leg… and then opened a gourd that turned out to be filled with treasures, like winning the lottery.”

“Hmm, that’s interesting. So what happened next?”

“Impressed by his younger brother’s windfall, Nolbu decided to do the same. He broke a sparrow’s leg… yada yada… opened a gourd… blah blah… and ended up losing all his wealth.”

“Oh dear, tsk tsk tsk. So what happened to him?”

“The once successful and capable businessman Nolbu became a beggar. Meanwhile, Heungbu, who had struck it rich, became wealthy. After that, Nolbu had to live off his younger brother, who shared half his fortune with him.”

“Oh, how heartwarming.”

“No, this is a sad, tragic story.”

Raphael was about to clap at the heartwarming conclusion, but Lloyd shook his head gravely.

“Nolbu, a man with solid wealth and excellent financial skills, lost everything in one reckless investment. Even though his brother shared half his fortune, do you think it was free?”

“Then?”

“Heungbu probably made Nolbu manage his finances and investments. In return, Nolbu got a share of the profits. Sigh… tsk tsk… Nolbu likely spent the rest of his life working his fingers to the bone, managing his brother’s wealth, and died of exhaustion.”

“……”

“Is there any story more sad and tragic than this?”

“……”

Lloyd’s eyes welled up with tears as he asked. Raphael barely managed to swallow a bitter smile. Seeing this, Lloyd furrowed his brow.

“Sigh. A sad story doesn’t make you cry, I see. This won’t work. Let’s try something else.”

“Something else?”

“Are your feet particularly sensitive?”

Lloyd glanced at Raphael’s feet. Raphael, feeling a bit uneasy, asked,

“What do you plan to do with my feet?”

“I was thinking of tickling them. If I tickle you relentlessly, even if you beg and plead, maybe you’ll cry.”

“Hmm, do you think that would work?”

“Let’s give it a try.”

And so it began. To extract tears from Raphael, Lloyd tried every method he could think of.

He tickled Raphael’s feet with a feather.

It didn’t work.

He made him eat spicy food.

The mansion’s pantry had a good stash of Roccia peppers, which were insanely hot. Lloyd secretly grabbed some and had Raphael eat them by the spoonful.

That failed too.

He even tried singing sweet(?) songs in Raphael’s ear. To prevent Raphael from escaping, he had Javier hold him down.

Still no tears.

No matter how much he tickled, how much spicy food he made Raphael eat, or how much he tormented his eardrums with song, Raphael remained pained but tearless.

This left Lloyd in a tough spot.

‘Tsk. If this doesn’t work, I’m done for.’

He absolutely had to obtain the angel’s tears. Without them, fighting the Hell Legion would be many times more difficult. But it was proving far harder to make the angel cry than he had imagined.

Feeling increasingly frustrated, Lloyd sighed heavily.

“Haah. You really don’t cry easily, do you?”

“Sorry. It’s not something I can control.”

“No need to apologize. It can’t be helped. I just wanted to make you stoic.”

“Stoic?”

“Yes.”

Lloyd nodded. Out of sheer frustration, he unconsciously cracked a dad joke, something he usually avoided.

“If a radish cries, it’s stoic, right?” [2]

“A radish… cries… stoic…? Krrmmph.”

“Huh?”

“Krrmmph… stoic… k-k-krrumph! Krrmph!”

Suddenly, Raphael clapped both hands over his mouth. His shoulders and back started shaking as his face and ears turned bright red. Seeing this, Lloyd thought,

‘Huh?’

He was surprised by the unexpected reaction. Maybe, just maybe…

‘Could it be… that Raphael reacts to dad jokes?’

No way. But then again, it was worth a shot. Lloyd cleared his throat and casually said to Raphael, who was desperately trying to hold back his laughter,

“Just for today, I wish you’d be like a rockfish.” [3]

“Krrmph, sniff, why… a rockfish?”

“Because it’s the fish that cries the most. A rockfish cries today, cries tomorrow, cries every day.”

“R-Rockfish! Hahahahahaha!”

Raphael clutched his stomach and burst out laughing. Lloyd felt an intense wave of embarrassment.

“……”

But it was a success.

‘Great, he’s genuinely laughing!’

Lloyd’s sharp eyes focused on the corners of Raphael’s eyes. The angel was laughing so hard his face was red, and there were tears forming at the corners of his eyes.

‘Perfect, one more!’

The momentum was on his side. He had to keep this going. With that in mind, Lloyd made his next move.

“What sound does a logical person make when they hit a metal plate? That’s right, clang clang.” [4]

“Bwahaha!”

“A turtle was walking down the street and suddenly threw up. Do you know why? Because it was feeling sick.” [5]

“Bwahahaha!”

“The bug that lives in space? It’s a Starbucks.”

“Bwahaha!”

“What’s the most easily shattered window in the world? It’s ‘Crash’.”

“Haha, st-stop! Please stop!”

Raphael was doubled over with laughter. Lloyd quickly signaled with his eyes. Javier moved swiftly, picking up the cup from the table in the guest room. He quietly approached Raphael, reached out, and with quick fingers, swiped the tear from Raphael’s eye.

‘Hurry! Collect it in the cup!’

Lloyd’s eyes urged him on. Javier let the golden tear drop into the cup. Meanwhile, Lloyd kept the dad jokes coming. The more he joked, the harder Raphael laughed, to the point where he couldn’t breathe.

Javier worked diligently, collecting every single tear that Raphael shed while laughing. He even managed to shoot Lloyd a look of disdain in between, which only added to Lloyd’s growing sense of humiliation.

‘Haah. I hate this too, making these dad jokes.’

Lloyd sighed deeply. He felt so ashamed of himself that he wanted to run to his bedroom and hide under the covers. Memories from his college days suddenly surfaced.

‘There was that professor who always made dad jokes during lectures.’

The professor had a real knack for making terrible jokes. But as for himself?

He had always met those dad jokes with nothing but a forced smile. And now, here he was, regretting that reaction.

‘I’m sorry, professor. I never imagined that your dad jokes would come in handy like this. Who knew I’d end up using them? Sniff!’

He felt both grateful and humiliated. But Lloyd didn’t let that get him down. He channeled the indomitable spirit of a Korean, willing to use any means necessary to achieve his goal. And finally, after a relentless barrage of dad jokes, they managed to fill a third of the cup with Raphael’s tears.

‘Great. That’s about 0.1 liters.’

The cup was filled with shimmering, golden tears, and Raphael had passed out from laughing too hard. Lloyd smiled with satisfaction.

‘If I do this every day for about 20 days, I’ll be able to collect enough tears.’

In the end, he should be able to gather about 2 liters of Raphael’s tears. That would be enough to make 2 billion liters of holy water.

“Let’s keep this up for the next few days.”

Lloyd said to Javier.

Javier, who had endured the barrage of dad jokes while collecting Raphael’s tears, looked thoroughly miserable. The Hell Knight didn’t even respond, covering his ears as if he couldn’t bear to hear another joke.

A smirk played on Lloyd’s lips.

“What? You don’t like it?”

“Yes. Absolutely.”

Javier shuddered with disgust and shot Lloyd a sharp look.

“Now that we’ve successfully gathered Raphael’s tears, I have to ask.”

“Yeah? What is it?”

“Even if you manage to collect 2 liters of Raphael’s tears, how are you going to turn them into holy water? I’m really curious and worried about that.”

“Worried? Why?”

“I’m wondering where you’ll find 2 billion liters of pure water to make the holy water, and even if you do, how you’ll distribute it to the Hell Legion.”

Javier expressed his honest concerns. It was a genuine worry. Especially since 2 billion liters was an unimaginable amount of water to gather and manage.

But as always,

“Oh, that?”

Lloyd responded with a smile that said he had it all figured out. What he said next left Javier utterly shocked.

***

Footnotes:
[1] Heungbu and Nolbu: Heungbu and Nolbu are the main characters in a popular Korean folktale. Heungbu is the kind-hearted, poor younger brother, while Nolbu is the greedy and wealthy older brother. The story revolves around Heungbu’s good deeds, which eventually lead to his prosperity, and Nolbu’s selfish actions, which bring about his downfall. The tale teaches a moral lesson about the virtues of kindness and generosity versus the consequences of greed and selfishness.
[2] Radish Joke: This joke plays on the Korean word for radish, “무” (mu), and the phrase “무뚝뚝” (mudukduk), which means “stoic” or “unemotional.” The humor comes from the wordplay suggesting that if a radish (“mu”) cries, it would do so stoically (“mudukduk”), creating a pun in Korean.
[3] Rockfish Joke: This joke plays on the similarity between the Korean word for rockfish, “우럭” (ureok), and the verb “울어” (ul-eo), meaning “cry” in the imperative form. The joke suggests that the rockfish is always crying, as “우럭” sounds like “울어,” making it a fish that “cries today, cries tomorrow, cries every day.” This is a classic example of Korean wordplay humor.
[4] Logical Person Joke: This joke is a pun based on the Korean word “타당하다” (tadanghada), which means “to be logical” or “reasonable.” The word “타당” (tadang) sounds similar to the onomatopoeic “clang” sound in English, as if a logical person, when hitting a metal plate, would make a “clang clang” noise. The humor lies in the wordplay connecting logical reasoning with a physical sound.